The List
by comesinwaves
Summary: Derek has a lot of people he never said sorry to. It's time to make a change.


**The List**

As he accelerated away from his land, he couldn't help but glance at what he was leaving behind. His candle house, the love of his life, his future.

He would be back. He knew he would. He promised he would.

But there were so many things standing between him and the point where she was.

She stood there, on his land, surrounding by candles, finally making her grand gesture. She claimed she was all whole and healed, and that she was ready to learn to trust him.

It was only now that it was beginning to dawn on him. It wasn't just her. She wasn't the only one that needed healing.

In the path he'd taken to get to this point, to Meredith Grey, to hope, he'd left behind a smoking trail of destruction.

In all this time, no one, not even himself, had come to clear up the mess.

Maybe it was time he made a change. How many people had he hurt that he'd never said anything to? How many people knew how sorry he really was?

As the dark night blurred past him, a list was slowly forming in his head.

He had to start somewhere…

Rose.

* * *

_**A Rose By Any Other Name **_

'Hey, we need to talk,'

Her shiny brown eyes look up, full of light. The second she met his eyes, hers dimmed, and drop back to her paperwork.

'O-ok,' she said, 'Sure,'

He sighed heavily, wheeling a chair over to her side.

'What are you working on?' he asked her gently, studying the paper before her.

'Just…some figures. Charts for patients,'

She swivelled her chair away from him, preoccupying herself with the work again.

'Rose,'

He put a hand out, and turned the chair gently. When she was facing him again, her could see her doe eyes brimming with tears.

'It's okay Derek…I…I know what you're going to say,'

'Just let me say…'

'Please Derek,' she begged softly, 'Just…don't,'

'I have to,' he uttered, 'For the both of us,'

'No!' she cried, 'Keep your romantic words, and great pearls of wisdom. Please…just go be with her,'

'I can't,' he sighed, 'Not yet,'

The taste of Meredith lingered on his lips with a promise of what could be. If he could just…

He took a deep breath, 'I want to apologize,'

She uttered a soft cry, shaking her bowed head furiously. He leant forward and grabbed her hand, because that's what seemed like the right thing to do.

'Don't,' she murmured.

'No. Rose, please. I want to apologize, so we can both…end this on the right note.'

Rose didn't even look up at him, as the first tear spilled over her eyelids.

'You…you have come to mean a lot to me,' he continued, 'You really have. You were there like…nobody else,'

The tears were beginning to stream down her pale face, rapidly now.

'It was just…'

He didn't know how to keep that sentence. How did he express everything to her?

'Meredith and I, we're…'

He sighed, 'I'm sorry,'

Rose's breath hitched, and she looked up at him.

'I'm sorry that…this turned out the way it did. I'm sorry that I took my feelings for Meredith and took them out on you…I'm sorry for the way I've treated you,'

Rose closed her eyes, nodding, as another tear slipped out from under her eyelids.

'But…I want you to know, that you were the most amazing friend I've ever had,'

She let out a choked sob, 'Are you done?'

'Yeah,'

'Are _we_ done?'

He nodded sadly, 'Yeah,'

Rose nodded curtly, swivelling her chair away from him again, 'Look…I have to…go,'

She let out another sob, and took two steps away from him.

'Rose,' he called after her. He jumped to his feet hurriedly, chasing after her.

'What?' she sobbed, turning back to him.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Rose's body began to shudder as she cried into his chest.

'I should have known. I did know. I shouldn't have gotten involved,' she cried, burying her face into chest.

'Sssshh…' he soothed, stroking her hair, 'I'm so sorry,'

They stood there, his arms wrapped around her tightly, and he let her cry. He heart wrenched with guilt, even though, at the bottom of his heart, he knew he was doing the right thing.

Eventually, her sobs slowed, until they were just tremulous breaths. He rubbed her back tenderly.

'You were the best friend I've ever had Rose,' he whispered, 'I hope that never changes,'

'It will,' she replied morosely, 'It will because you're with the girl you belong to…and I'm… We can't be friends.'

'Ok. Maybe one day,'

She took a deep shuddery breath, 'Not today,'

He nodded, pressing a kiss into her hair, 'I'll see you around Rose,'

She bobbed her head into his chest, 'Ok Dr Shepherd. I'll see you around,'

He released her gently, their hands meeting briefly.

This felt right. This was supposed to feel like this.

His heart ached with regret as he stepped away from her. He didn't regret breaking up with her, he wouldn't take that back for a second. He regretted the hurt this was causing her. He regretted not being a better man in the first place.

But not for one second did he regret leaving her.

He began to walk away, with a brief nod of his head to her. One hurdle down.

'Dr Shepherd?'

He turned back, to see Rose, tear stained, and pink faced, staring at him.

'Hm?'

'Thankyou,' she said, 'Thankyou for being sorry,'

He gave her a sad, half-smile, and nodded, 'I truly am,'

'I know,'

She nodded, closing her eyes, and he took it as his cue to leave. He walked away from the hospital, into the parking lot, walking away from the girl who could have been, walking to the girl who just might be.

* * *

**Mom's The Word**

He should have done this a long time ago. A long, long time ago.

He sighed heavily, staring down at the little blue box in his hands. He tossed it gently from hand to hand, testing its weight.

It felt heavier than it should. For a phone that boasts its 50-gram weight, it burdened his hand like a kilogram of lead.

He could hear her in the room next door, her snores cutting the air quietly. It was 6am. She'd be awake soon and would wonder where he was. He needed to do this, if not for him, but for her. He needed to do this before he could claim himself "whole and healed" like she did for him.

Derek took a deep breath, turning the box over to reveal the illuminated screen, highlighting the number he feared. It was a click of a button, that was all it took, and he could be free again.

He closed his eyes, and jammed his finger down on the green button. This shouldn't be so hard.

His heart racketed against his rib cage, as he listened to the phone bleep away mechanically.

'Hello?'

There was no turning back now.

'Hi…Mom…it's me. Derek,'

The muffled shriek on the other end sent a warm chill through his body.

'Oh my goodness! Derek! It's really you!'

He smiled slightly, 'I missed you too Mom,'

'Are you okay? Are you well?'

'I'm fine Mom, how are you?'

'Oh darling, I'm fine now.'

His throat instantly tightened. After all this time, and she still loved him unconditionally. He had to say what he needed to say.

'Mom?' he started cautiously.

'Yes baby?'

'I…'

He didn't know just how to say it right. How he could possibly phrase it into an intelligible sentence.

There really was only one way to put it.

'I'm sorry.'

His mother's end crackled silently, and he knew she was listening, maybe out of shock more than anything else.

He took another deep breath, 'I have been the worse son in the history of the world…

She made a noise to protest and he cut her off, 'Don't deny it Mom. I know. I pushed you away when…Addison happened and…even when I thought I got my life back on track, I didn't bother to let you in again,'

'Derek's its o…'

'It's not okay Mom,' he insisted, 'I should have been there for you, all the time,'

She fell silent again, obviously allowing him to make his peace.

'I…I just wanted to say sorry. I know that what I did…I know that I could have prevented it. I'm sorry for ignoring your calls and…I'm just sorry. When Mark and Addison had the affair I just didn't think. All I could do was run. And the least I owed you was a call, not just that delirious phone message from the airport,'

'Well…Derek…' she sighed, 'You left me…and yourself in quite a state…'

'But that wasn't the worst!' he continued on his tirade, 'I…I got to Seattle. I escaped Addison, and I thought I was making myself better. I met Meredith and she seemed to make everything better.'

'And?'

'And I was lying to myself…but I wasn't. She was the thing that saved me. But everything wasn't okay yet. And I think I knew that. That's why I never called you. I couldn't tell you about the most amazing girl who'd pulled me out of the self-loathing ocean I was drowning in. That's why…I let you blame a young faceless floozy for stealing your son away.'

'It was you all along….'

He heaved another sigh, 'Yeah…it was me who pushed away from you. And I'm so sorry. But still doesn't explain this year…does it?'

'No…not really.'

'I'd sent the message back home with Nancy that everything was peachy. That I had a perfect life even without you all. Meredith and I were apart for the most of this year, fighting, not-fighting, struggling to let each other in. I was miserably for the most part of this year. I was afraid to tell you that,'

'Oh baby…' she sighed, 'I'm sorry you couldn't tell me.'

'No. I'm sorry I _didn't_ tell you. You're my Mom and I shouldn't have left you out of all of this,'

'Maybe not…but Derek I'm so glad you called!'

'Mom. I want to make things different,' he stated plainly, his mind suddenly fuelled with a new incentive.

'How Derek?'

'I want you to meet her. I'd like you to come out here to Seattle one day, and see Meredith and my land and my hospital…I'd like you to be a part of my life again.'

He could almost hear her smile through the phone, and it warmed his heart. He was doing the right thing for once.

'You mean that Derek. You really want me to be a part of your life?'

'I do Mom. You'll love Meredith and I want you to know that for sure. She's the most important thing to me in the whole world!'

'If it really means that much…' she said coyly.

He laughed, 'You know you're itching to meet her.'

'Perhaps. But that is not a piece of information you need to share to widely okay?'

'One more thing mom.'

'Yes baby?'

'Mark…I want you to forgive him. When you come out here, could you possibly just…hug him or something. He seems a bit down and I think he really misses his family…'

'Derek. If you're sure. It would mean the world to me if I could have my second son back but…only if you know that you can truly forgive him…'

He paused, Mark's rugged face swimming before his face, 'I…I'm certain.'

'Thankyou Derek…'

'Der?' Meredith's mumbled voice floated through the walls.

'In here Mer!' he called back, 'Mom. I have to go now. Meredith's just waking up. But…I'll talk to you…next week?'

'That would be wonderful.'

'I love you mom,'

'I love you too Derek,'

The phone cut off with a sharp beep and he lay the phone back down on the desk. He smiled as snippets of his mother's overjoyed voice floated through his brain. _Thankyou. I love you. Yes baby?_

'Why are you up so early?' Meredith grumbled as she padded barefoot into the study, dressed only in his t-shirt, hair tousled.

She walked up behind him, snaking her arms around his neck, as she pressed her lips into his jaw, 'What were you doing?'

Derek leant his head back, allowing her to trail sweet kisses along his skin, 'I called my mom,'

Her lips stopped their exploration and she lifted her head slightly.

'How did that go?' she asked, her voice humming against his throat.

'It went…great. It went great. She's really looking forward to meeting you,'

For a split second, he waited for her to freeze. He was expecting the Meredith freak-out and the deer-in-headlights sprint that would have happened three months ago.

Instead, Meredith lowered her head back to his neck, 'I'm looking forward to meeting her too,' she mumbled.

'Really?'

Meredith didn't reply, only resumed her soft kisses along the column of his neck.

He gave into Meredith, spinning her around onto his lap.

He felt…lighter, healthier, and happier now that he had done that.

It was just one less burden he carried. It felt so much better.

* * *

**Ex-Wife, Ex-Life.**

'You've got something on your mind,' she observed idly, as she flitted around the kitchen.

He sat at the kitchen bench at her house, watching her movements carefully.

It had been a long day, both of them working 12 hour shifts. They'd only just arrived back home, hand in hand, weary with exhaustion.

'Hey!' she called, a little more insistently, 'You!'

His eyes snapped up, and he met her eyes. She wandered over to the bench, resting her elbows on the granite so she was inches from him.

'You okay?' she questioned seriously.

He blinked at her a couple of times and nodded, 'Yeah. Sorry Mer. My mind was…elsewhere,'

'I know! I offered to make dinner and you didn't even bat an eyelid!' she joked, 'You usually throw yourself in front of me to protect my kitchen!'

She grabbed his hand, 'Do you want to talk about it?'

He still marvelled at the change that she had undergone in the insignificant four months they'd been together. They had been the best months of his life, as the bright, bubbly and sexy girl he'd once worshipped returned. He wondered sometimes if she felt the same way, whether he'd become a man that remembered loving.

He cocked his head, considering her. No matter how grown up she was now, it didn't change the fact that some things may just be too much for her. He was going to have to take that chance.

'I…I want to talk to Addison,' he confessed.

Meredith stared back at him, biting her lip. She frowned slightly and then nodded, 'Ok. That's good.'

'Seriously?'

She frowned at him again, condescendingly this time, rolling her eyes, 'Of course. She was your wife for like…ever,'

'You're sure you're okay with this?' he questioned, reaching out for her face.

She leant into his touch and smiled, 'I'm fine. Say…hello to her for me or something,'

Meredith stepped away from him, turning around to busy herself with the fridge.

'I'll give you some privacy. Come and find me when you're done,'

Then she waltzed out of the room with a tub of strawberry ice cream tucked under her arm protectively.

He watched her go carefully. It felt like the right thing to do. Meredith said she was fine with. Meredith wouldn't put herself between them…

He snatched the phone off it's bracket in the wall. His fingers jammed the numbers that he'd stared at all day today. It was something he needed to do.

Derek listened intently as the phone bleated at him. A jittery nervousness formed in the pit of his stomach. The last time he saw her; she insulted Rose, and glared at him every time after she found out Meredith was no longer his girlfriend. She'd probably slam the phone down.

'Hello?' a hoarse, tired voice answered.

He choked back a laugh, 'You sound as good as I feel!'

There was a long pause of silence, and he could envisage her screwing up her face with a frown as his voice processed through her sharp brain.

'Derek?'

He chucked again, 'The one and only,'

'What the hell do you want?'

'Long day huh?'

He closed his eyes settling back against the stool. He saw her rolling her blue eyes as his stupid question.

'Doesn't even cover it,' she replied.

'So how have you been?'

'I've been…good. I've been great,' she said quickly, 'Life is good.'

'LA still treating you okay?'

'Yeah. You know…sun…beach…'

'Yeah…'

They paused into an awkward silence. Crap. Why did he do this again? Was it too late to just hang up and blame it on a bad connection?

'So, what about you? How's your nurse, and your happily ever after?'

'Uh…Rose? Rose has…moved to Chicago. But my happily ever after is just fine,'

'Meredith?'

He smiled, enjoying the warmth that filled him at the mention of her name, 'Yeah…we…got back together,'

'Good girl,' she muttered.

'What?'

'Oh…nothing. Don't worry. So…not that I don't appreciate being randomly called by my…ex-husband…why are you calling?'

'I…'

He wondered if he was about to cross a line, and bulldoze all the perfectly constructed barriers Addison had built since their divorce. Then again…he'd never said this before. Maybe…maybe she wouldn't need those walls if he said what he needed to say. Maybe _he _wouldn't need his walls.

He inhaled deeply. Here went nothing.

'I…called to apologize,'

There was a stunned, ringing silence on the other end. Not even Addison's perceptive brain could comprehend this one.

'Uh…what did you say to me Derek?'

'I called because I need to apologize to you,'

'For…for what?'

'For everything that happened last year. Meredith. Not giving you a real chance. Stringing you along…the divorce,'

'I thought you wanted me to apologize to you,' she said, clearly confused.

'I did. I was angry with you for such a long time. But now I realize it wasn't just your fault. And you spent months apologizing to me through everything you did while we were still married. You worked your ass off for my forgiveness and I spent the whole time cursing your existence,'

'It…it wasn't that bad was it?' she joked weakly.

He sighed, 'I'm sorry for what I did to you. It wasn't fair and it wasn't like me at all.'

Addison fell silent giving him an unsaid permission to continue.

'When you showed up I'd stuck myself together again in an awkward messy way, that balanced precariously on Meredith. When you came to Seattle, everything fell back to…shit. To me…you'd destroyed me.'

The other end remained in stony silence, and he wondered if she was going to hang up on her.

'I thought I was being the good, gallant guy. I thought that by picking you, I would be that guy that everyone loved once,'

'But it didn't,' she said in a small voice.

'No. It didn't. I treated you…worse than anything. I am so sorry. I led you along, hell I led Meredith along and…God I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how much I hurt you,'

'And that affair with Meredith? It wasn't something I _ever _planned on doing. Only know that I'm piecing my entire life back together from scratch do I see how much I hurt you through everything I did,'

'We had an amazing life together…while it lasted. We got married young, hopelessly in love. We were in paradise…while it lasted. But we changed…and it happens to everyone. Only some people can grow and change together. We grew apart. It wasn't something that we thought would ever happen to us.'

She was still silent, and his heart ached for her to say something, while he understood the silence all at the same time.

'I just wanted you to know, that while we were together, I was the luckiest man alive. Even if, in this stage of your life, I'm not the man you were destined to be with, that you were…and still are, one of the most amazing, and powerful women I've ever met. I'm sorry that it had to end like it did.'

There was another, long, extended period of silence, and Derek began to wonder if she _had _hung up on him. He'd said all that he could and there was nothing else to do.

Finally, one tiny noise broke the silence.

_Sniff._

Addison sniffled at the other end of the line. Her breathing became louder, heavier, wetter. He heard the sound of tissues being ripped from their box, and a tiny hiccup.

'Addi…'

'Thankyou Derek,' she said tearfully.

'What?'

'Thankyou. I'll…never forgiveyou _full_y. Hell, I can barely forgive me. But what you just said to me…I don't think you'll realize how much I appreciate it,'

He smiled, 'I understand Addi.'

'I'm glad you're finally being whole again. You deserve it…we deserve it,'

'We do,' he agreed.

Derek knew that their conversation was slowly winding up, even as the sounds of the Kleenex box emptying filled the air.

'Thankyou so much Derek. I hope you've forgiven me like I'll try to,'

'I have. We were both to blame for everything that happened. It's…history now,'

'Ok,'

'Addi? You there?' a male voice floated in through the line.

'I'm in the kitchen!' she hollered back.

'You got company,' Derek laughed, 'I'll let you attend to that,'

'It was good to hear from you again…maybe we could be real friends,'

She paused, and then laughed, 'Maybe not. But…you know…send a Christmas card every year. Maybe even baby photos for me to hang on my mantle piece like the crazy spinster I'm becoming!'

He prepared himself to say goodbye to her when she cut in again, 'Maybe I'll give Meredith a call…no, that's a lie too. I won't. Tell…tell Meredith that she did the right thing…just say hello to her for me,'

'Ok Addi,' he laughed again, 'I'll do that,'

'Nice talking to you Derek. Maybe we'll do it again,'

With that, she hung up, leaving the ringing silence. He replaced the phone gently, and swung himself off the barstool.

Derek leant against the doorframe, of the kitchen, staring into the den. He smiled, as he watched his girlfriend tenderly.

She was sprawled out on the couch, in his sweatshirt, her hair in a messy ponytail. Sex and the City hummed away with her full attention, as she spooned pink ice cream into her mouth intently.

He was, undoubtedly, _the_ luckiest man alive to have captured this beautiful creature's heart. He could stare at her forever.

As if sensing his presence, her eyes flickered up to meet his.

'Hey,' she said softly, 'How did it go?'

'It was…good. I feel better now,'

She sat up, patting the now vacant spot beside her invitingly.

He accepted, and she instantly rearranged herself, so she was curled up in his lap, leaning against his chest.

He snatched the spoon that dangled from her fingers and helped himself to the ice cream.

'Addison said hello. She also said…you did the right thing, whatever that means…'

'I know,' she sighed, leaning heavily against him, 'She knew what was best,'

Derek knew better than to pry, and let it drop, as he offered her a spoon of ice cream.

He'd had it all once. The brownstone, the house in the Hampton's. The high society life, and the high society wife. But it seemed like that part of his life was over. It was his ex-life.

Now he was a man, with a young girlfriend, who loved his clothes more than her own. She was complex, and sometimes stubborn as hell. She was the polar opposite of the materialistic yet simple red-head he had once wanted.

Now, he was comfortable, living with

But that tiny brunette had made him the man he wanted to be.

This was the life he really wanted.

* * *

**The One He'd Never Forget**

'I love you,' she sighed languidly, 'I love you so much,'

He hummed softly against her shoulder, appreciating the moment. It wasn't very often that she allowed herself to express emotion like this.

'Me too,'

She curled slightly, spooning herself even tighter against his naked body. His fingers crawled up the length of her spine, brushing over the soft freckled skin.

She shivered, her eyes staring out something further than the open window. Warm sunlight poured in, lighting her pale skin, making it glow softly.

Her halo of golden hair fell across her shoulder, and he nudged the waves tenderly with his nose.

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?' he murmured, nuzzling her skin.

She didn't reply, but continued to lean into his feather-light touch.

His fingers ran up the course of her spine again, tracing every visible bump.

'I've never said sorry to you,' he mused quietly.

'What?' she mumbled.

'After everything I've been doing…I've never said sorry to you,'

She fell silent for a long time, before finally shrugging, 'I know.'

He felt his heart break just a little more, 'I'm so sorry…I…I didn't know how,'

'It's okay Derek. I knew you were sorry…I wasn't waiting for you to say it,'

'But I should have,' he insisted, 'A long, long time ago,'

She shrugged again, 'It's okay Derek,'

'No,' he said firmly, pulling his hand away from her, 'No it's not,'

'Derek,' she sighed, 'Come on…'

'Let me…let me talk,'

If he could see her face, he knew she'd be rolling her eyes, 'Ok…'

'I'm…so sorry,' he started, suddenly unable to say the words, 'The things I did to you were…unbelievable. I stringed you along and…I broke your heart so, so many times,'

She was going to let him make his peace. He sighed.

'This whole year, you were taking steps. Letting me eat with you, letting me in your bed. You were taking steps that were _huge _for you. And I didn't see that. My steps were twice as long as yours. I only saw that you weren't meeting my stride. I didn't see that…that maybe your legs just weren't long enough to keep up,'

She shyly ducked her head, and buried it into her sheets, still listening intently.

'I should have slowed down. Shortened my steps…but…I saw a little progress, and I wanted our life to start right then and there. I didn't see that you were barely up to the starting line,'

'Things are different now though,' she protested.

'That doesn't change what happened. It goes back even further than this…from the very first day! I met you in Joes. You were secretive and…sexy as hell. All I knew was that your presence was like a drug. I needed you, and you just…made everything else feel so much better,'

'It lasted longer than I ever thought it would. I couldn't get enough of you. You're hair, you're body, you're personality. I couldn't grasp enough of this amazing creature. All I wanted was more. I never thought that an obsession could turn into…love. And once I was in, there was no backing out,'

'Addison showed up and I was caught. The girl, the younger, crazy, and incredibly lovable girl who I adored with my entire heart and soul. And…the woman I was _supposed _to adore. She was stubborn and…she'd been there since I was in college. How was I supposed to choose between a girl, who I knew nothing about, even though I loved, and a woman who, while I didn't love her, knew everything about me? I made the wrong choice, the stupid choice because it was the right thing to do. She was the girl my family loved, and I knew they would never forgive me for making a rash decision,'

Meredith remained silent, motionless against his body.

'The moment I told you I was staying with her, I knew I'd made the wrong decision. You…crumpled, and behind your eyes, I saw a hopeful light flicker out. From that moment onwards, you slipped further and further away from the girl I knew. I realized that…I'd _broken _you,'

Meredith nodded slightly into the sheets. She knew it too.

'I don't know what I've done right. I can't list one great thing I've ever done for you; in the entire two years I've known you. I've dragged you along, made you into the other woman, flirted with you, and forced you into a friendship just to make me feel better about myself. Maybe if you could be my friend, I hadn't destroyed your life,'

She snorted softly, and his hands resumed the stroking of her back.

'I have been the biggest asshole to you. And yet…you're here…lying in my arms. I'm here in your house, in your bed, in your heart. What have I ever done to deserve this?'

They lapsed into a long silence, as his fingers danced over her skin tenderly. She sighed, relaxing into his touch.

Suddenly she rolled over, reaching out for his hands. Her grey eyes burnt into his, as she stared.

'I knew you were sorry…all this time. I knew that you never wanted it to happen like this. Neither of us did…but it was the path that led to…here. Sure it hurt. Crap, lying in the bathroom with Cristina because you were gone was one of the worst days of my life. Watching you kiss her, and hug her everyday ripped my heart from my chest. For the first time in my life I wanted to be a wife. I wanted someone who wanted me. I wanted to be married, to have a man who wore a wedding ring, just to proclaim that he belonged to me…I wanted everything she had. It killed me, and…it changed me…'

She stared soulfully at him, 'But…it doesn't _matter_ anymore. Now _we _have our own history. We're here now, in my bed, in love, and we're okay. We're both, finally, whole and healed. So…whatever we did to get here, it's…whatever now. Water under the thing,'

She squeezed his hand tightly, and he sighed. His chest felt lighter now, and he wondered if he finally was whole and healed.

He'd left this apology to last, because he thought it would be the hardest, and he thought that she wouldn't listen. But…she knew. All along, and she understood. She'd come to terms with it, in a way he never had.

He lifted his head to meet her lips in a soft chaste kiss. The frantic, sexual energy that had coursed through them an hour before was gone. Now they were left with the soft, tender love that took his breath away. Every kiss she laid on his skin let him know just how okay she was now. How okay _they _were.

Now he was done. At the end of his list. He was here, in a good place with Meredith, in a good place with everyone in his life.

He knew what came next, he mused, as she rolled on top of him her hands exploring his chest sensually. Soon it would be time to use that ring, tucked safely in the drawer in his trailer. Then maybe those blueprints in her closet could be pulled out and considered. Then came…everything. Everything that two people, madly in love could possibly want to do.

And he couldn't wait.

* * *

**There we have it. Derek probably has a zillion more people he could apologize to, and I'd be interested to hear who you think he has something to say to. Please Review!**


End file.
